Dear Heart:

What has happened to you?

I remember a time when it was so easy to love easily, so easy to just be intoxicated, so easy to fall. Is this what time does? I feel like there is so much living left to do and so much love left to feel, and I’m afraid I’m going to do all of that living without loving– at least, without loving the way I’ve loved before.

It doesn’t exactly make sense to want that kind of loving, does it? The way I loved before was with an unnecessary urgency, a silly desperation, an unabashed foolishness. I know so much better than that now. The knowledge I have is supposed to put the past in perspective, and it has: I see now the difference between wanting to feel and actually feeling. The line is thin, but it is there. So now I tread more lightly, but still wait for that rush of emotions, hoping that the next time I feel it, it will somehow be more real. However “real” is supposed to be evaluated.

I worry that I’ve lost something. Maybe I’ve just gained a little wisdom. I shouldn’t worry so much about that. You’re filled with so much more than just romance now, and that’s a good thing.

Peaceful love,
N