the first one

A few of the Asian women whom
I’ve happened to love or with whom
I’ve happened to have engaged in loving
have said to me:

“You are the first Asian I’ve ever been with;
I am not usually attracted to them.”

“I just didn’t want to date myself;
I wanted to date someone different.”

I don’t know whether to take it as
a compliment–

Thanks, I guess I don’t express
the overly Asian qualities that would
make you feel like you’re having
sex with yourself while having sex with me

or whether I should be offended–

So was it a conscious decision to avoid
dating Asian women? I hope that you’re
only being descriptive of empirical
evidence because otherwise you’ve
been engaging in some kind of twisted
reverse affirmative action.

To those Asian women for whom I was
the first Asian woman:

Thank you for making an exception for me.
I’m glad that our connection
managed to overcome the barrier of ethnicity,
but please, let’s not harp on the
fact of your having finally crossed that boundary,
because no matter how you frame it,
it feels like we’ve been in the same place,
borne the same struggle,
and yet, you, a sister, have managed to tokenize me.