I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to just keep being together until I left. I knew that it would be awkward and strange. Worse, I knew that it would lead her on. But I couldn’t help myself.
Was that love? That inability to help yourself from compromising yourself, no matter how you truly felt? I never believed that love meant sacrifice. Someone told me once that when it comes to love, either you do it wholly with a clear heart, or you shouldn’t do it at all. So no matter what you gave up, it wouldn’t feel like a sacrifice. It wouldn’t creep back into your mind when you looked at your beloved and give you a twinge of regret.
Shay saved me from myself. “What’s the point, Tida? You want to leave. Just fucking leave. Now.” I cringed when she said that, even though it was what I wanted to hear. I felt a small sigh of relief in my head, and tried not to show it.