i once thought my future lay
in busy cities

i fantasized about
crowded trains at rush hour

i was ecstatic when i found myself
smoking on fire escapes and rooftops,
watching passing traffic and blinking skylines

now, i crave real darkness,
not the shadows cast by skyscrapers,
but the kind that allows stars
to appear near the horizon,

i want to wake to the cool dawn air
that used to sober me after
a long night’s debauchery

i am renegotiating my reality
learning to touch the earth
and not just walk upon in

digging for truths
that cannot be held
in glass and steel.