there, here, again

sometimes it’s nice to
loose yourself to the dark
to throbbing baselines
ice melting into whiskey
waiting to be licked from
moist lips waiting to
wrap themselves gently
around a cigarette
eyes roving a scene
wondering whether
desire might land again
like a fist to the belly

i want none of it just now

now i squint against
the alcohol haze
see too clearly
to be comfortable
try to forget the ways
i have entered this jungle
as a hunter laying traps
with my young red heart
that is no longer who
i want to be

but like a criminal
i find myself
returning to the scene